What im trying to say is
by toby jess mac dylan evan nance
Summary: "HES NOT YOU HE CANNOT BOUNCE BACK JUST LIKE THAT AND PRETENED EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK SLITTING YOURSELF WORKS WHEN IT DOESNT" "I HAVENT ..." My voice faild me and i couldnt speak everyone was looking at me waiting for me to say something. RATING MAY GO UP LATER AND BEWARE OFBAD LANGUAGE
1. DYLANS POV

A/N I DO NOT OWN PRIMEVAL NW WORLD OR THE CHARACTERS IM PRETENDING THAT ANGE STILL WORKS FOR EVAN AND THAT EVAN AND BROOKE JUST DATED FOR THREE YEARS AND WAS NOT MARRIED ALSO AGES ARE DIFFERENT THE AGES ARE : TOBY ;16 MAC ;17 DYLAN;17 EVAN;19 IM SICK OF PEOPLE MOANING ABOUT THE MISTAKES SO ME AND MY MATE STAYED UP FOR 48 HOURS STRAIT TO FIX THEM SO IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM NOW TUFF SHIT WE DONT CARE.

"IT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO EVAN GET OVER IT " I screamed.

I had been working with Evan Cross for the better part of two months and all he's done is rant on about how he could not save broke and how he loved her and how he missed her. I was right it had been Four years since she died last week it had turned Four years i did not want to here it anymore the sooner he got over it the better for us all. But of cause Ange did not see it like that.

"DYLAN HAVE SOME SYMPATHY HE LOVED HER FOR FUCK SAKE"I was not been told of by her this was ridiculous just cause she did everything he wanted she thought he loved her but I knew different. I had seen the look in his eyes when he looked at her it was love but not for her for someone who was of limits. It was for someone he couldn't love hug hold kiss or wake up next to. It was for her, for Brooke

"YEAH I KNOW THAT BUT FOUR YEARS IS LONG ENOUGH TOO GET OVER IT "

"HES NOT YOU HE CANNOT BOUNCE BACK JUST LIKE THAT AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK SLITTING YOURSELF WORKS WHEN IT DOESN'T" This made everyone look at me. NO i was not taking this i was not having this she needed to be put in place by someone and if that was going to be me then fine. I had not slit my wrists, arms or anywhere for quite some time actually it was six months on the same day it had been four years since Brooke died. I hadn't told Evan about it or anyone for that matter Ange had seen the cuts ( i never did them deep enough for them to scar ) when we went swimming together as suggested by Evan and i went just to keep him happy.

"I HAVEN'T ..." My voice failed me and i could not speak everyone was looking at me waiting for me to say something. I wanted to walk out and leave and go home, so i could curl up in a ball on my sofa with my blanket and watch movies and never move again but I couldn't. So i closed my eyes and tried to concentrate.

"Dylan look I did not mean that i um..." Ange tried to apologize but did not get very far, only then did i realize that tears was falling down my face .

"just shut up and leave Ange, Everyone else as well. Mac take Toby home and stay with her i do not want you two back here for the rest of the week have fun. Ange go to your office NOW and do not come back down to this part again." It had been Evan speaking. I could here people standing up and leaving until there was just me and Evan.

"Dylan" Evan said in a softer tone only then did i open my eyes again Evan was stood in front of me. I only came up to his shoulder at five foot six i was not very tall to his six foot five and i also noticed how close he actually was to was too close for my comfort.

"Dylan look at me please" So i did as he asked i looked at him. I could see the hurt in his eyes at the fact I had not told him and there was something else that i could not make out." why did you do it. Why did not you tell me " I just kept looking at him feeling more tears building in the back of my eyes.

"look Evan I'm sorry but i did not tell you cause I did not know if it would worry you or not and I'm not sure were i stand with you cause you confuse me and ..." And my voice failed again. Knowing i was gonna cry again I was gonna turn around and walk out.

Before I could Evan had his arms around me and was pulling me in to his chest and pulling me into a tight embrace and i willingly let him. I did not have the energy to argue with him, and I cried hard I could not hold my tears back anymore.

"shhh Dylan it's okay shhh it gonna be alright" Evan keep whispering soothingly to me. We stood like that for about half a hour before i stop crying and even longer before we moved away from one another. "Dylan you gonna tell me why you did that to your self" he asked in a soft gentle tone like he was scared i would break or something.

"because my dad died and there was no one there for me sure my aunties and everyone was there but they was not here they could not comfort me and tell me everything would be alright cause they had to sort their life out. So instead of anything else i just resolved to cutting myself instead."

"Dylan why did not you come to me"

"Cause you was still getting over your wife i would of been wrong of me to do so"

"no it wouldn't of been its better than hurting your self. how long has it been since you started"

"Three years but I've stopped now"

"when"

"six months on Brookes death"

"good and from now on i want you to come to me when something is troubling you okay"

"Okay "

"Good, now lets get you home"

"Okay" So we walked out to the car park and Evan looked around the car park looking confused.

"Where's your car "he asked.

"Oh i um walked this morning"

"Come on I'll give you a lift then"

" you sure i would not want to impose i could walk back home"

"No it's starting to rain and it's almost a two Mille walk"

"Its fine really"

"okay then if your sure". With that he left me to walk home.

I was about a hour away from my house when it started to rain really hard and i was drenched in seconds. Then Evans ringtone went of just what I needed.

"Dylan please tell me your home or almost home"

"Sorry i would if i could but I'm about a hours walk away from my house"

"For fuck sake Dylan why did not you let me give u a lift home"

"Umm because i walked to work therefore i should walk back home."

"where are you"

"At the bottom of that really big hill"

"Stay there and I'll come get you"

"no its fine i can walk"

"No I'm coming to pick you up that's final see you in five" and with that he hung up.

five minutes later i saw his big blue van drive up and pull over

"get in the van Dylan"

"no i can walk"

"get in not an argument"

"nope" and with that i started walking. I felt some ones arms wrap around me from the back and pick me up. I knew it was Evan so i just went limp to make it hard to carry me but he just put me down and picked me up bridal style and carried me to his van and sat me in the back.  
He then grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me only then did i realize that i was freezing so i curled up further into him then I realize i was shaking.

"Dylan your freezing "Evan laid me down in the back of the van and i decided i did not even have the energy to move. He grabbed something and sat me back up leaning against him. he quickly moved the towel from around then removed my top and bottoms and pulled one of his T-Shits over my head and put a pair of his traky bottoms on me as well i really could not be assed to move then picked me up and put me in the front of the van.

"Dylan I'm gonna take you back to mine so i can look after you okay cause i think you have a cold"

"okay" i said before yawning. After five mins of driving i had fallen asleep .

I woke up i was in Evans house curled up next to him in his bed. I went to sit up but i felt Evans arm around me put more pressure there so i could not move.

"Its okay Dylan you can stay there. You do not have to move" he said in a sweet caring tone. "Dylan are you feeling okay"

"no" i replied weekly i felt horrible but i had done for a few days.

"shhh it's okay just stay lad there I'll be back with a hot chocolate for you to drink and some toast" And with that he stood up to leave "Also the bathroom it's in there". He said pointing to a door.

Five mins after he left i felt sick very sick so i got out of bed and went through to the bathroom. I sat in there for about two mins before i felt sick again and this time i actually throw up. Evan must of come in well i was throwing up because someone was holding my hair back and rubbing my back and talking quietly to then picked me up and carried me to the bed and laid me down and quickly laid beside me.

"shhhh Dylan just go to sleep okay I'll still be here when you wake up I'm not going anywhere okay" Then he pulled me back into his chest and held me tight and started rubbing me back again.

"Evan talk to me i don't like the silence it makes me feel alone."

"okay" there was silence for five minutes before Evan spoke again.

"Dylan your the most important thing in my life your my girl I'm sorry I'm sometimes I'm a pain in the ass and that sometimes I act like I don't I do not care if you died that's because I don't care if you die, cause if you die I'll die. Your the only person I have ever... I though I loved Brooke but I didn't. I moaned about not being able to save her, cause I didn't want to admit I loved someone I worked with someone i only just met well what I'm trying to say is I love you and i want you to get better as much and as i want you to go out with me in fact will you go out with me Dylan."

"Evan I love you too and yes I would love to go out with you "Evan smiled and kissed me on the top of the head.

"good now go to sleep so you can get better I'll stay right here" And with that I fell asleep to the sound of his voice talking quietly to me and felt happy and peaceful for once in ower busy life style.

A/N2 NOW CAN YOU ALL GO AWAY AND ANNOY SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE MY FRIEND GETTS ON THE LAPTOP CAUSE SHE ISNT FRIENDLY THANK YOU.


	2. EVANS POV

A/N I DO NOT OWN PRIMEVAL NW WORLD OR THE CHARACTERS IM PRETENDING THAT ANGE STILL WORKS FOR EVAN AND THAT EVAN AND BROOKE JUST DATED FOR THREE YEARS AND WAS NOT MARRIED ALSO AGES ARE DIFFERENT THE AGES ARE : TOBY ;16 MAC ;17 DYLAN;17 EVAN;19

"IT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO EVAN GET OVER IT " Dylan screamed at me. I was going to turn around and say something back but of course ange had to stick her fat nose into things like usual.

"DYLAN HAVE SOME SYMPATHY HE LOVED HER FOR FUCK SAKE"I was only pretending to mope around because the person i loved and wanted to love, hug, hold, kiss and wake up next to was stood in front of me and i couldn't have her. DYLAN the person i was in love with but Ange thought it was her but it wasn't she just did as i asked cause she though it would get her noticed. It had a first worked but when Dylan and I had ran in to each other 2 months ago because of a creature attack, and she had saved me twice and i had saved her once before she started working here i knew i loved her.

"YEAH I KNOW THAT BUT FOUR YEARS IS LONG ENOUGH TOO GET OVER IT "Dylan snapped was right four years was long enough and i had got over her ages ago but just acted like i hadn't to keep Ange from trying to get me.

"HES NOT YOU HE CANNOT BOUNCE BACK JUST LIKE THAT AND PRETENED EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK SLITTING YOURSELF WORKS WHEN IT DOESNT" Everyone was looking at Dylan now, waiting for her reaction and hadn't she told me did she not trust me enough to tell me that.

"I HAVENT ..." Dylan's voice fail her and she closed her eyes and it was then i could see the tears starting to fall down her must of noticed to because she looked this was over I would be having a really long discussion with Ange about saying that in front of anyone and making MY Dylan cry.

"Dylan look I didn't mean that i um..." Ange tried to apologize but i cut her of before she could.

"just shut up Ange and leave "I snapped this had gone far enough now " Everyone else as well. Mac take Toby home and stay with her "She was shaking and looked terrified and then i remember her telling me she didn't like arguments cause her mum and dad used to argue and hit her and hit each other. "And i don't want you two back here for the rest of the week have fun. Ange go to your office NOW and don't come back down to this part again. "I told Tony and Mac and commanded Ange.

"Dylan" I said in a softer tone and she opened her eyes again but didn't look at me.

I was stood in front of her. She only came up to my shoulder. I sometimes forgot how small she was when we was out on the field because we was usually fighting dinosaurs. She was only 5'6 where i was 6'5.

"Dylan look at me please" so she did. I wanted to pull her in to a hug and tell her everything was i knew i couldn't just yet. The pain in her eyes the love, the hate, the betrayal, the terror, the fright every emotion was there but there was no happiness or joy and it killed me inside to see all of it. It was like her eyes bore into my sole and could read me like a book.

" why did you do it. Why didn't you tell me" I asked her I wanted ...No I NEEDED to know she just keep looking at me and i could see more tears building in her eyes again.

"look Evan I'm sorry but i didn't tell you cause I didn't know if it would worry you or not and I'm not sure were i stand with you cause you confuse me and ..." Her voice failed and I knew she would turn back around cause she was going to cry again . Before she could i put my arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace and she let me i thought she would of fought with me it was like she didn't have then energy we stood there for five minuets before she gave way and started crying. I could feel her shaking as she did was crying really hard. It was odd seeing such a strong person like Dylan cry but she hadn't been right for three or four days now so i knew something was up .I didn't know what to do so i did what I did to Brooke when she cried. and just comforted her

"shhh Dylan its okay shhh it's gonna be alright" I keep whispering soothingly to her . We stood like that for about half an hour before she stop crying and even longer before I let us move away from each other .

"Dylan you gonna tell me why you did that to your self" I asked in a soft gentle tone I was scared that by asking her i would make her cry again.

"because my dad died and there was no one there for me sure my aunties and everyone was there but they wasn't here they couldn't comfort me and tell me everything would be alright cause they had to sort their life out. so instead of anything else i just resolved to cutting myself instead." She answered my question

"Dylan why didn't you come to me "I asked "Cause you was still getting over your wife it would of been wrong of me to do so "Trust Dylan to only think of everyone else. "no it wouldn't of been its better than hurting your self. how long has it been since you started" "Three years but I've stopped now" "when "This I needed to know. "six months on Brookes death "Thank god shed stopped. "good and from now on i want you to come to me when something is troubling you okay "I told her she couldn't go though everything on her own and she needed someone to be there for her. "Okay " "Good, now lets get you home" "Okay"

So we went out to the car park and i looked around for Dylan's car and guessed she walked cause i know she's prone to doing that.

"where's your car" I asked it was supposed to rain heavy and she lived almost two hours and half away when you walk. "Oh i um walked this morning" "Come on I'll give you a lift then "I told her i couldn't let her walk home when its going to rain badly. " you sure i wouldn't want to impose i could walk back home" "No its starting to rain and its almost a 2 mille walk" "Its fine really" "okay then if your sure "With that i left i figured id go home put some of my spare cloths in my big blue van And go pic her up from wherever she would be at that point.

I had been home about 1 hour when it started raining really bad, and i got worried knowing fully well Dylan wouldn't even be half way home and high chance she would not be. So I rang her.

"Dylan please tell me your home or almost home" "Sorry i would if i could but I'm about an hours walk away from my house" "FOR FUCK SAKE DYLAN WHY DIDNT YOU LET ME GIVE YOU A LIFT HOME"I shouted i hadn't meant to shout but i was annoyed with her "Umm because i walked to work therefore i should walk back home." "where are you" "At the bottom of that really big hill "That was more then a hours walk "Stay there and I'll come get you "I told her shed get blood newmoania if i let her walk all the way home from there. "no its fine i can walk" "No I'm coming to pick you up that's final see you in five "And with that i hung up on her. I quickly ran to my van slammed the door shut and was above the speed limed the hole way there .With in 5 minuets i was there. "get in the van Dylan" "no i can walk" "get in not an argument" "operand she started fast i got out of the van and walked over and picked her up but she just went limp making it hard to carry her so i put her back on the ground and picked her back up bridle style. I carried her round to the back of the van so i could get her changed out of her wet clothes. she was freezing and shaking so i knew i better get her out of her wet clothes

."Dylan you freezing "i exclaimed bit stupid and obvious and i regretted saying it now .I wrapped a towel around her and laid her on the floor of the van which was covered with quilts ,blankets and pillows. I grabbed my spare top, traky bottoms, jumper, and socks that id thrown in here earlier. I removed the towel i had wrapped around her and quickly pulled her top over her head and pulled her skinny jeans off as well and considering the fact she didn't move, moan or hit me she was to shattered to care. I picked her up and put her in the front of the van and put one of the blankets over her

"Dylan I'm gonna take you back to mine so i can look after you okay cause i think you have a cold" i could leave her at her house she needed me now

"okay" she said before yawning.

After five mins of driving she had fallen we got back to mine i had picked her up and carried her to my room and laid her in the bed I got a shower and came and laid with her. She woke up three hours later and went to sit up but i pushed her back down.

"Its okay Dylan you can stay don't have to move" I told her "Dylan are you feeling okay" I asked her now was the time to see if she trusted me.

"No" she replied so weakly that I barely heard her. That's what had been wrong with her then she had been ill and still was.

"shhh its okay just stay laid there I'll be back with a hot chocolate for you to drink and some toast "And with that i stood up to leave "oh and the bathroom it's in there." five minuets after i had left i heard her get up and walk to the bathroom so i stood up to go make sure she was alright. And when i got there she was throwing up. I went over and held her hair back and rubbed her back whilst talking quietly to her. I then picked her up and carried her back to the bed and she went limp in my arms again and just curled into me. I went and laid beside her.

"shhhh Dylan just go to sleep okay I'll still be here when you wake up I'm not going anywhere okay" Then I pulled her back into my chest and held her tightly and started rubbing her back after five minuets of agonizing silence Dylan spoke

"Evan talk to me i don't like the silence it makes me feel alone."

"okay" there was silence for five minutes before I spoke again.

"Dylan your the most important thing in my life your my girl I'm sorry I'm sometimes a pain in the ass and that sometimes i act like i don't care if you died that's because i don't care if you die, cause if you die I'll die. Your the only person i have ever... i though i loved Brooke but i didn't .I moaned about not being able to save her, cause i didn't want to admit i loved someone i worked with someone i only just met well what I'm trying to say is i love you and i want you to get better as much and as i want you to go out with me in fact will you go out with me Dylan."

"Evan i love you too and yes i would love to go out with you "I couldn't keep the smile of my face and I kissed her on the top of the head.

"good now go to sleep so you can get better I'll stay right here "And with that she fell asleep to me ranting on and she looked really peaceful when she slept

A/N 2 LIKE I SAID BEFORE LEAVE ME ALONE OR MY FRIEND WILL BE DEALING WITH YOU ALL NEXT TIME I SEE HER


	3. AN

oliverpowell511 thanks so much for the review I will get another chapter up as soon as I've got the majority of mistakes out of this story and my other one and the one I've taken down again cause of some idiot posting nasty comments about the mistakes. but I will get it up as soon as possible


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